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Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Blessed new year everyone!
I am efficient! I promised a post in my previous one and here I am! But before I start on my reflections, here's what happened on the last day of the year O:
Yesterday went out for lunch with the cousinhood. Telling people to meet at 12.30 = people come at like 1+. Jie kor and I reached at 1.10, Peiyan (1.250), Jason and his jap gf who doesn't look very jap-pish (1.50!) came later than us. So David, Mary, Zheng Yu and Hui Min sat there since 12.15 waiting for us. I bet the Cafe Cartel dudes hated us. We took a table of 10 for like 3 hours, and there was a queue outside, oops. But might as well, I don't adore the food there anyway. Caught up with each other and went down to sanyi's house to play nintendo wii. Coolness. Went running with David for a while later, came back to bathe and was off to AMK hub.
Met Abi, Lynette, and Melinda at Mos to study. It was uh rather productive? I mean I can concentrate anywhere if I really want to, I just need the drive yo. Realised that I've forgotten close to everything I've learnt for Maths, and that translates into Pei Ling, you're so gonna die for Math test. After that we went down to Gardens for Watchnight Service. Went for the testimony time, and quite a number of elderly shared. It's cool to see how God has sustained them, and basically just look after His people and His ministry. Watchnight Service was okay, but after that I was rather tired since I was up early and everything (kor too I think), and so I wanted to go home. Jie took an extremely long time to be done though, and so all of us had to wait for her -.-
Was all prepared to go home and sleep, and just then Brandon called and asked whether I wanted to go for supper. I thought okay, cool, since once school starts everyone will be busy and it'll be difficult for me to meet up with them especially since now I'm going to Zion. Ended up having supper at the Dunman place (which is near my house :D :D) with Bran, Byron, Jon, Char, Xing, Linus, Dan, Matt and Jia Hui. It was great being able to spend 3+ hours eating and having fun with good friends, and talk about well, deeper issues. Thanks guys.
With that, it's time for reflections! (I'm double posting once again. Probably one of my last few double posts, sorry dudes but diaryland simply rocks too much. Though like I said, I may consider opening up my diaryland but not in the near future, we'll see (: I don't check my blogspot anymore, so if you have something pressing you want to say email me luh)
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Woah okay, it's the first day of 2008! I shall start this reflection thing with Jars of Clay's Dead Man (carry me)
January 1, I got a lot of things on my mind
Looking at my body through a new spy satellite
I try to lift a finger but I don't think I can make the call
So tell me if I move cause I don't feel anything at all
Carry me I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet can't find a heart beat
Make me breathe I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one out with the old plan
I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But it was better than the party full of people I don't really know
They've got hearts to break and burn
Dirty hands to feel the earth
There is something in my veins but I can't seem to make it work
Won't work
Can you find a beat inside of me?
Any pulse?
Getting worse
Any pulse, getting worse?
Inside of me, can you find a beat
Okay! Now it's time to start.
2007. It's been a rollercoaster, pretty much, filled with ups and downs. But to start of this post, I'm thankful for so many things that God has given to me.
Family.
I love my family lots. Dad, mum, jie, kor. Daddy's the quiet giver, mummy's the one who manages everything. They both work extremely hard for the family and yeah, even though sometimes they're unreasonable (who isn't at times), and I'm just like rawr shut up pleaseee, but I know they love all x18273129873. It surprises me how close I've grown to jie and kor, I mean from those days when I was young and they bullied me, and me crying and complaining to mummy and all. Man it's been a long time. Jie's the one whom I can crap to, but yet at the same time share stuff with. (Though I swear I would sue her for sexual harassment if not for the fact that she's my sibling rawr. :D) Kor's the one who makes me laugh with his ridiculous remarks and all, and the relationship I have with him is a uh rather interesting one, in the sense that I don't really talk a whole lot to him, but there's this silent understanding between the both of us and all. And of course all the bonding over stupid things like SpeedChaser and trying to break each other's high scores. And yeah, I know that despite all our arguments and disagreements, blood is thicker than water yo.
Friends.
I thank God for every single friend I've made throughout my 15 years. One can't survive without family, but neither can one truly live without friends. (Okay, though God is the one you really can't live without, never) Some things just can't be said within the family, because of some reason, and that's when friends come in. Friends from school - class, GB, random people I meet - youth, zion etc. They're really people whom you can count on and yes even though blood is thicker than water, water isn't that thin either. All the time when I emoed and all during/ after GB, was immensely stressed during youth camp comm meetings etc. it's friends who make a whole lot of difference, and I appreciate all of you, and I love you guys. Friends come and go, but what they've said/ done impact you no matter what. This year, so many people have impacted me I'm not going to name people because firstly, it'll take some time and secondly, I'm afraid someone's name may just slip my mind.
I'm sorry to those whom I've not been able to spend much time with. But I pray that all of you have been doing great! And if you ever need someone, I'm always here (: (One thing I hate about Raffles is that it eats up so much of your time that you hardly have time for anything other than school-related things- though of course school is a joy in some sense. Especially with next year's stupid long timetable, it takes away precious hours of my time. BUT I will make time for things important to me - God, family and friends. This will be part of my new year resolutions I suppose, I just need to make it more concrete, yes!)
Studies.
I didn't do exceptionally well, but not terribly either, mediocre in my opinion. But considering how much I slacked, it's pretty good, I think. But I'm not satisfied with that, knowing that I can achieve more, so I'm going to work harder next year! It's going to be tough, but God be my strength!
Opportunities to serve. (I was reading Elissa's blog, and I realised that yeah! I really have to thank God for all the chances given to me)
Class - I don't know how well I did the job, but I do hope that everyone could feel the love within the class. And as I always tell people, we're different but yet there's this funny thing that bonds us together hmmm.
GB - It's going to be an exciting year ahead, and I'm looking forward to it. I don't doubt that I'll be feeling stressed at some points in time, but I love the GB people, and grubgrubgrub's gonna pwn all the stress yo. Thank God for Elissa and Shi Hui, we're the power threesome man. Grubby :D Some of the people I'm closest too are from GB please. And of course the exco, Levites, great seniors and all. I've never at one point in time regretted joining GB (I think, or maybe once when I was in Sec1), heck to all your sports > UGs mindsets, I do not care yo. We are 2 totally different categories and there's no basis to compare us, other than the fact that we're all CCAs. Moreover, our purpose and aim is unique, and I can proudly say that it's the best among all the CCAs (in the Christian perspective). But of course I still lubbx all you guys who are not in GB duh :D I will box whoever puts down GB, so there (:
Youth- One of the greatest responsibilites I've taken up I must say. But yet at the same time, it's so much joy just seeing them grow and become good testimonies for God. I mean I've only been serving for 2 years (I wonder whether it'll continue... But that later) but the people I've met- the YLs, camp comm and everyone, they've really shown me what fellowship means. And yet again, I found some of my closest friends in church, and I believe they'll be friends for life. It's been a great experience, and a humbling one too. Like when you plan everything, and something just comes and wham all crumbles apart, and all you can do is to wait and see how God works. And man, the way that He works is unbelievable, I mean it just puts in your place and all you can do is stand in awe and humbly bow down. Or even when things are going well, it's only because God is seeing everything through. I mean like for camp, we took a number of 'risks', in the sense that we made some quite major changes in the way camp was run, in the camp programme etc. and everything would have been a flop if not for God.
Zion.
Sure, I've been all DD: over switching church and everything, I'm not sure whether I posted regarding this on blogger before I left, but people who have access to my diaryland have definitely seen quite some ranting for me. BUT I do thank God for Zion. Because it gave me the opportunity to be exposed to a different worship style? And I have definitely grown spiritually in Zion. I mean I never walk out YD lessons not having learnt something new. I'm not criticising BC or anything, but I have to admit that at times your growth becomes stagnant? But things have improved over there la, definitely. I'm enjoying myself more and more in Zion, I mean getting to know some of my YD friends better and all, it's interesting. And of course this year's YF camp being a much better experience for me compared to last years. It makes a difference. And of course this year's camp gave me the opportunity to catch up with Jing Xiao, and it was good (:
I don't know what's going to happen in future. I'm still at a loss. Like regarding churches, I need to focus on one church right now. But I'm sorry youths, it won't be BC, I've prayed about so many times I'm certain it's time for me to get out of all the stuff. I'll let go bit by bit, for one no more being in the camp comm for me I suppose, and no more planning major events and all that, but I'll still carry on being a CGL with Shuan, until it stabilises and maybe someone's ready to take over, and I'll still play for youth on Saturdays. Not sure if I should stick to Zion or look for a new church, but I'll just seek God's direction la, but it's Zion for now :D
Last but definitely not least, God.
It's quite weird thanking God for God, but I mean honestly, I'm blessed to be able to know Him and it's the greatest blessing one can ever receive. Though there are times when I just chuck Him to one side, He's never left my side one bit, even if I can't feel it.
It's interesting how this year I decided to shift over to diaryland, and lock it. But at the same time God has been breaking down my pride, bit by bit. Like now I'm more open to sharing with just general people whom I may not know very well (like for those reading this from blogger, if I decided to post something like that like a few months back, you would never have gotten a chance to read it), and like just breaking me during worship, and yeah because right now I'm all heck to my crying quota? Now I think of it and I'm like wtc was that, immature yo. God works in ways we cannot see. And after what He's done for me this entire year, God is faithful, and God is indeed awesome.
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
So ends my thanksgiving section.
This year has been one of many changes. Be it in school, church, family (what with jie going overseas and kor going to the army next year), and even myself. My introverted side of me has been appearing more than it ever did. It's not a bad thing I believe, because sometimes I just need to give myself a break, and that helps me to just be quiet, shut up and think. The cool thing is that, (I think) I'm a pretty balanced person :D My introversion and extroversion seem to be like 35/65 - is that balanced? It is to me in any case x) Some people say I've become more thoughtful, like I think a lot more in public. Okay... I agree with that, in the sense that at certain times I end up talking less and I don't laugh at much. But those are when my introversion strikes! Okay yes anyway you get the idea. I am a very balanced person, therefore I am not imba, unfortunately ):
Yet another thing I've learnt is that humans are not effective judges. I mean we've misjudged people and things countless times, and worse still we like to think we're correct. That being said, my point is that don't worry about what others think about you. Things like these are much easier said than done, because who on earth wouldn't want to be the popular kid around. Because like you're supposed to heck care about the very beings that you're surrounded with daily? It's terribly hard. And yeah, I face that struggle too, often. And I have to constantly remind myself that God will be my judge!
And ya, I've become less judgemental of people as a result of the realisation that our judgements fall short of the truth by far more often than not. I mean ya la, I no longer take my first impression of people as my basis of how I'll treat the person in future. Haha I used to do that, because my impressions always proved true, except for certain exceptional cases. But yeah I guess I see no point in me doing that any longer? Just get to know people and we'll see how things go from there.
I'm rather excited about 2008 actually. I'm dreading being a sec4. Doesn't it just make you feel really old? But I'll make good use of my last year in RGS, and see what comes out of it! I'm going to be a mugger and like get a GPA of 4.1. Okay, I doubt I'll succeed being a mugger, but I'll not slack as much and I will study earlier! I have my own expectations for myself. Speaking of which, I've not done any new year resolutions. I shall do them soon, and this time next year, we'll see what I've accomplished. I'll miss GB's batch07 but I'll see them in RJ again 2 years down the road (no actually it's next year! Since it's like 1 Jan 2008 already rawr)
I don't know how 2008 will be like, I just don't want to lose my focus once again, because with all the business and what not, it's hard not to get carried away, and not conforming to the world? And I can start of the year nice and strong, but when everything start's to pile up, well it's a different story altogether. Well, it's much easier said than done especially when you happen to live in... the world. ><
Oh Lord I try
But this time Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door
I'm trying so hard
To stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord let You be who You are in me
BUT... God will be my strength! And He will be my direction. Continue breaking my pride Lord, and continue showing me who's the real master between us two.
God will lift up your head
Now that was pretty long, it took me ages to finish this post, but I do so love end-of-year reflections, it helps to close the entire year and to motivate me. Congrats if you read every bit of it.
I shall end off with... GOD FTW!
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
